Where Lurks the Saboteur? The sunny and shadow sides of archetypes. Recognize addictive and destructive archetypes. Ares, Neptune, Hermes, Hades, Aphrodite, Neptune-Sedna, Medusa, Hephaestus, Persephone and Eros, and Psyche.
Goddess Wound-
Sabotage of Love and Self Love and Finding Love and Self Love
Aphrodite–
Aphrodite soul types innately know how to make people feel visible and special, but they are poor at ending things. She instead just shifts her attention and expects the earlier suitor to ‘figure it out’ or pick things up later. This, of course, leads to disappointment, resentment, and anger in anyone who hoped to have an exclusive relationship. A true Aphrodite type is not typically monogamous. Some young Aphrodite types do not reveal the truth about their natures. This deception results in avoidable hurt.
Aphrodite Wounds:
The largest Aphrodite wound has to do with feeling disposable. Although she is given much attention and is highly admired, these qualities are fairly changeable and temporal. People shift their focus and when this happens it can leave Aphrodite feeling hurt and in a weak position. It is the same vulnerability felt by courtesans through the centuries. While they are beautiful and young their opportunities are wide open, but, that can shift on a whim, and leave Aphrodite in a precarious emotional and financial position. There is much that can be done to address this wound that we will cover in the rebuilding section.
Another Aphrodite wound is being self-absorbed. She can be a diva, who assumes the world revolves around her. Young Aphrodite types may monopolize conversations, and bring the focus of the conversation back to themselves, dismissing what is important to her friends or family. Without awareness of this pattern, she can make those who care about her, feel like unpaid counselors.
Her beauty and charm fascinate others. She has so many girlfriends and boyfriends, that she sometimes forgets they are not replaceable. Someone she was enamored with two weeks ago might be less appealing after she unwraps him. Lovers go from feeling important to being disregarded and a powerful sting accompanies this fall.
The more mature Aphrodite, who cannot commit, needs to find out what is keeping her in a state of adolescence? Other questions that prompt self-discovery might include: Why is she continually late? This shadow Aphrodite quality might be tolerated initially, but it wears on people and is disrespectful.
The true Aphrodite nature is fairly amoral. There is a focus on the here and now and pleasure. Rarely are Aphrodite types malicious, they are wrapped up in the moment.
They do not think about consequences and the havoc they may wreak in people’s lives. Romance is a delicious game and they are impassioned players. They think about what they want at that moment and move toward it, or they become trapped by someone else’s desire and lack the boundary strength to say, no.
Aphrodite is the goddess of romantic experience, not empathy or mercy. Her love is not primarily compassionate, but personal and erotic. She does not do well with guilt. Interestingly Aphrodite types are also blamed for what they do not do, “you made my boyfriend want you, and now he does not want me.” She seems to take the brunt of anger even when she has accomplices. Trying to get Aphrodite to change through guilt and blame is an ancient motif, but it has never been particularly effective.
Myths
Her husband Hephaestus, a lame god became tired and frustrated by her numerous and repeated affairs. He married her knowing she was the goddess of passion and beauty but probably didn’t comprehend her nature would remain consistent after she married. To shame her into changing and to get sympathy from the other gods and goddesses he arranged to trap her and Mars/Ares in a golden net he created. He caught the two lovers in action and invited all the other gods and goddesses to witness and humiliate the lovers. Adapted from Homer’s Odyssey, Book 8.
Aphrodite was mortified and slunk away in shame, yet the experience did not alter who she was, she still remained the goddess of passion and pleasure. Guilt will not amend her nature. She will only learn to disguise it better.
When Aphrodite is young, men may interpret her extroverted personality as being a signal that she wants them. They do not realize that it is natural for her to make people feel special. She may not say no in a way someone drunk on their desire for her will hear, or they may choose to ignore her request. If she is sexually abused, some of goddess Persephone’s messages will also apply to her.
One way or another, she may learn that it is easier to go along with the seduction than protest. If this occurs, certain aspects of Aphrodite’s nature will change. She will become disenchanted with the idea of justice. She will feel more supported and appreciated by men than women, and therefore more likely to seek out their company.
This also sets up a reward system that is outside of her. Attention, affection, and money can be hers if she makes men feel good. Her self-worth may become tied into men’s response to her, rather than from inside herself. This means she may need to keep receiving attention to feel worthwhile.
Outer conditioning reinforces her natural tendency to boost her ego and be liked. Saying no takes an amazing amount of effort, staying with the refusal even more.
And when the tables are turned and she is the one being refused, she may raise the stakes by more attention getting schemes. If refusals happen with a few different men she may become scared.
Their response could be a signal that she is maturing and can rely less on her looks and youth. To those with Aphrodite as a visiting teacher, it might mean that the apprenticeship is getting close to finishing. For Aphrodite soul types it could signal a suitor is worn out, with the off and on again nature of the relationship, the mistruths, or the lack of depth of the relationship.
The Aphrodite soul type luckily is very resilient. She lives in the moment and makes the most of it. She is tuned into her senses. She is moved by the feeling of beautiful fabric brushing against her skin and the look of gorgeous art gracing her home. She may also be a gourmand and love to taste exotic food and drink interesting wine. These qualities are not tied to age and are always accessible as resources.
How to get her Center Back-
Aphrodite likes being a woman. She knows her strengths have to do with her affect on others. She is charming, magnetic and able to move toward people and open them. She has an uncanny ability to make others feel visible and to recognize and articulate their unique potential. Aphrodite makes us all feel worthwhile and special.
In our society, few people know how to give a true compliment. This effect is similar to when we fall in love and our lovers behold us in a way that makes us feel intact. Most people want to receive, but not give praise. When done properly a compliment becomes a soul-affirming message whispered from the goddess herself that can bring us to our true path. Even water responds to such recognition.
A study on how words affect water, conducted by Dr. Emoto of Japan showed that frozen water reacts to words of war and anger by forming asymmetrical jagged crystals. The most beautiful crystalline structures develop when words of love and appreciation are spoken.
This could be one of Aphrodite’s alchemical secrets of transformation. She innately understands how to project love and gratitude. Like water, we too become our best selves when we are deeply seen and appreciated by the observant eyes of this goddess.
Understanding and developing the inner masculine is a key way that women make themselves whole. Myths show the natural alignment of which god and goddess types gravitate toward each other for growth.
In Aphrodite’s case, she has many lovers. The relationships she chooses illuminate her patterns. It is a shock to many that Aphrodite is married. She is not any more inclined to monogamy than Zeus, king of the gods. But because she is female there is always more controversy about her behavior. It is important to remember that nature herself is slutty. There would be no fertilization, growth, diversity or life if mother nature, did not sleep around.
Rebuilding Self- The Cure is in the Wound:
Before growth can occur Aphrodite also needs to face some tough issues. It is not her nature to tolerate pain, so she will try almost any trick to evade it. It is by being gentle, but real with herself that she can move forward.
She does not know how to hold onto her own self-worth and sometimes trades it for attention, or to be liked. This means the price for being liked is too high. When Aphrodite has an AHA moment and recognizes, that she has been trading her self-worth for popularity, she can then choose to rework this pattern and apply discretion when deciding whom to become involved with.
Aphrodite moves forward when she learns she is seeking credibility and self-trust. Credibility must be earned through behaviors, such as making a choice and sticking with it. She is only being powerful enough to turn her dreams turn into reality. Follow through a major component of credibility, requires persisting at what she has committed to doing, even when it is no longer fun, such as the homework portion of a course. When she recognizes that she can succeed by applying her talents and hard work, she starts to believe in herself. This is a powerful realization.
Empowerment can also happen through understanding why she acts like she values popularity more than, self-worth. The act of consciously choosing self-worth makes her feel even more credible. It also allows her inner geisha to become a priestess. Part of freeing herself from selling herself short may involve asking herself questions like: ‘are my boyfriends causing real pleasure or just temporary distraction and instability’. What does she have for herself that isn’t tied to them- her own career, money, home?
Is all this dating providing personal power and is she being regenerated by the experiences, or is she just getting used up? Is she addicted to the drama of the romance?
With greater discretion and age, Aphrodite starts to comprehend that the attention males give her, is really about them and their egos, not about her at all. Men find their pride bolstered and their self-image recharged after encounters with Aphrodite. It is what Aphrodite is accustomed to. Courtesans and muses have been long sought after to inspire and heal men, but it can grow tiring for Aphrodite.
It benefits her to ask, what she is getting out of the exchange? She might say “gifts, admiration, and fun.” Her real goals may not be met by these relationships rather she is just too distracted by the drama to notice.
Aphrodite may realize that she is seeking creative and financial power through her liaisons. She aches for a sense of stability necessary to heal her major wound – feeling disposable, and like she doesn’t have a choice over the large issues in her life. Once she recognizes her real motivation, she may start to build her own competence. Education, stability, and credibility will initiate a clean source of personal power. When she makes her own money and makes her own big decisions she heals this archetypal injury.
This can be a turning point for Aphrodite, who can heal an old wound, created when Zeus and Hephaestus gave her no choice, in her own marriage.
If she has personal resources, she is no longer as vulnerable. She may now choose the man she wants on his own merit, not because he wields clout. This will allow her to set clear boundaries she will not be afraid to keep. It will help her define what commitments are palatable. It will truly be a liberating experience, to tell the truth, and not be paralyzed by fear of loss. The truth will free up years worth of backlog, but the price is being temporarily uncomfortable and unpopular.
For the developed Aphrodite, honesty allows perspective on her past. Impulsive actions in her youth may have broken hearts and caused resentments. Grasping this involves experiencing shame and responsibility. If she has the courage to feel and remember, the resulting clarity will help her understand her shadow.
If she acts on this insight she may be freed from the impulse/addiction trap. A very developed Aphrodite will also learn how to transmute her second chakra sexual energy into heart-centered energy. This shift means using her natural warmth in an authentic way, and bringing energy, previously sexually based up to her heart, to transmute to love.
This mature Aphrodite might now choose a lasting, honest relationship with another. On the other hand, she might also just enjoy her own journey of independence. Living up to commitments and taking responsibility forms depth. Going from a feeling of helplessness to having skills, enables Aphrodite to mobilize her dreams into realities.
Passion transforms to compassion, taking Aphrodite from maiden goddess of beauty to mother goddess of deep love. Compassion ignites Aphrodite’s inner and outer magnificence. She becomes truly irresistible.
Hephaestus
A favorite tale explains how she married Hephaestus and became tied into a relationship.
Hera, queen of the gods turned her son Hephaestus away from their home on Mount Olympus because he was not perfect. He had a limp and was a little disfigured. He was perpetually hurt by this deep mother wound and understandably developed a certain distrust of females. He was raised in caves by nymphs who taught him the art of smithing. He could create anything of beauty: jewelry, furniture, and weapons.
He knew his mother Hera loved beauty and made her a stunning golden throne. When she sat down, the arms of the throne braced her wrists and trapped her. “Let me out, you insolent little beast,” she yelled.
“Not that easily, mommy,” he retorted. “I really wished you would show me love and compassion, instead of anger and disgust, but I see it is not in you. I won’t waste my wish on you then. If you want to be free you will grant me a favor. I yearn for that stunning goddess, Aphrodite. I want her to myself. You can arrange that mommy, can’t you,” he asked?
“Aphrodite,” fumed Hera. “She is the goddess of passion. She is not meant for marriage. She will only break your heart.”
Hera didn’t always support her son, but Aphrodite’s philandering, all too reminiscent of Zeus’s, would bring an eternity worth of pain to her son. Couple that with his deformities and her early rejection of him, Hera knew her son’s desires were overriding his logic.
“Never mind mother, just get her for me,” insisted Hephaestus.
Hera reluctantly agreed. She convinced Zeus and it was done. Aphrodite apparently had little say in the matter. She was married to the crippled and talented god who wanted her.
We’re unsure if the golden girl was really in love, but she did have a huge reverence for Hephaestus’s craft. She admired beauty and saw he was capable of envisioning and creating it.
She loved this about him. She also liked his shyness. He would open up for her and shine, but when she was not around he became intense and anxious. Their relationship was always imbalanced; he desired her, she submitted. And she did not give up her other lovers. This made him crazy with pain, but his love was enduring, so he kept overlooking it, hoping maybe one day, she would realize how much she loved him and would be only his. He is broody and dark. He can also be punishing and passive/aggressive.
He is a natural introvert, while she is an extrovert. More and more he learns to depend on her for every aspect of his social life. She is his life-blood. He makes her feel adored.
Modern day Aphrodite’s who marry Hephaestus types are settling for an imbalanced relationship that fosters deceit and pain. If Aphrodite is unable to commit to Hephaestus, she will continually hurt the one who loves her. If she is able to turn her passion into compassion, as she matures, there is hope. On an inner level, if Aphrodite’s male nature is Hephaestus, she will always feel like she is presenting an untrue image to the world, pretending to be beautiful, but inside feeling lame and rejected.
If he is her animus, (male side), he will need to hear his pleas and see what it will take to empower him. For sure, he needs to learn to trust and he can only do that in an environment of honesty. If he is her inner male, she will have the ability to develop loyalty. He is committed and focused, and can help her bring her ideas to fruition. By attuning to his energy she can complete her art projects and bring real momentum and beauty into her life.
He has an inferiority complex and must be given back his legs by fully mobilizing his potential. He is a real key to helping Aphrodite gain security and substance. Redeeming him is the smartest thing she can do.
To see how your inner Hephaestus is doing, watch dreams for images of males that are crippled and deformed. See if these images evolve in subsequent dreams, as you listen to their needs. This will show up by them walking better, being less wounded and less angry. Recognize the importance of their messages. Integrating Hephaestus allows a lifetime of creating real beauty in your life.
Mars/Ares- This type of male is the most dangerous to Aphrodite. As the god of war, he is her polar opposite. He is yang; she is yin. Everyone can sense the sizzling chemistry between them. When they touch there are fireworks. They have an incredible natural attraction that never has a happy outcome.
He wants to own and control her. She is unable to commit. He is crazy jealous. She is threatened but complimented by his passion. They makeup and break up, and makeup. He wants her to tell the truth, but the only truth he will tolerate is the version he wants to hear. This leaves her in a bind.
Even if she is exclusive with him, chances are, he will still doubt her and act jealously. The fights continue. Until Aphrodite is able to see the toll this relationship takes on her health, finances, other relationships and self-esteem, she will be unable to break it off.
This relationship is volatile. With mortal women, this man sometimes becomes physically abusive. He is passionate and deadly. He is wrong for her and she needs to leave and never come back. There is no other way.
Mars/Ares
When Mars or Ares shows up as our animus we are engaging with a fiery force. Our dreams may be of being robbed, murdered or raped. There can be passion, but fear. There is always destruction. This element points to something inside us that is actively working against us. It is important to understand more about this figure. Does he remind you of either parent? What quality inside of you, is he trying to destroy? How can you ask him to leave? This piece of yourself will undo what you strive for, and undermine what you build.
You must not let him dominate. Notice what is happening in your life when this destructive force enters. Patiently and intelligently strategize how to gain enough of your personal power to keep him away. In this relationship, Mars is not redeemable and must be minimized.
The one good thing that can come of this is Mars’ insistence on the truth, sometimes teaches Aphrodite how to become more honest. It may never be enough to appease him, but it is something she can take with her into her next relationship and use for personal revelation.
Hermes/Mercury
Hermes/Mercury god of travel and art is like Aphrodite’s soul twin. He loves the arts as much as she does. Like her, he thrives on sex. His nature, like hers, is open. They enjoy eating out, staying out late and everything of the senses. Words run off his tongue like honey and he knows how to flatter her, like no other male. He is so talented. He writes, composes music and dances. Everyone finds him funny and entertaining. She is crazy about him and often thinks he just could be “the one.”
The thing about Hermes is, he is a hypocrite and can be a con man. Although he is sometimes passionate about Aphrodite he can’t reconcile her flirtatiousness. For permanent relationships he is more frequently drawn to Hestia, a quiet, self-assured type, whom he feels settled with, says Bolen in the Goddesses in Everywoman. To add insult to injury, he knocks on Aphrodite’s door each time he is bored with Hestia. Hermes generally breaks Aphrodite’s, heart.
If Hermes shows up as Aphrodite’s inner male self, it will be a force she is very comfortable with. Hermes heightens her ability to act on her artistic talents. She becomes even more charming and irresistible with this influence. If he shows up, as her animus she may tend to become even more glib, deceptive and irresponsible. She will constantly show up late and take advantage of others.
She will grow more by being a little leery of his promises. She needs to pay special attention to being honest, clear and credible. Mercury needs to be held accountable to be worthy.
Hades- the myth
Myths-
One of the best known, Greek Myths of Demeter and Persephone, involves Hekate as a key player. (Refer to Demeter’s chapter for the whole myth). Hades god of the underworld kidnaps Persephone, as his bride. Her father, Zeus grants Hades permission to marry his daughter but does not inform her mother, Demeter, goddess of agriculture and growing life, of his decision. Demeter cannot find her daughter and is grief stricken. She looks everywhere for her daughter and becomes exhausted from the search. In her sorrowful state, she creates perpetual winter, where nothing can grow. Possibly afraid of repercussions from Zeus, neither god nor mortal helps Demeter. Only one being steps up to assist. She asks a key question; only a dangerous old hag would dare pose.
“Who do you think took your daughter?”
Before this cutting, mental clarity, Demeter searched without focus or direction. The goddess of the thresholds slices through Demeter’s grief-induced, emotional paralysis, with her dagger of precision.
This question mobilizes Demeter. Together they visit the sun god Apollo, who sees everything from his keen perspective, high in the sky. While the other gods and goddesses remain on the sidelines, these two brave souls quest on.
Apollo dares to break the old boy’s network, consisting of his father and uncle. He admits that he did see Hades god of the underworld and Zeus, makes a deal allowing Hades to take Persephone as his underworld bride. This brave act of defying unethical, governing powers, allows the first crack to occur within the power structure made by the unholy alliance of Zeus and Hades.
Knowing the secret pact made by her brothers, allows Demeter to advance on her quest to free her daughter. As it turns out, Persephone eats pomegranate seeds, while in the underworld, sealing her destiny to remain there, part time. This is where Hekate appears again. She takes Persephone, as a student, into this dark reality and teaches her to be the queen of a world that is initially unknown and frightening. After hearing this tale a student once observantly asked, “If I thought Hekate was upset that Persephone then became queen of the underworld, even though Hekate mastered it first?”
I feel that Hekate is not bound to the ego state of wishing to control a domain in that way. She knows the way to freedom is to be able to enter and exit, as she needs, not to be saddled with the day-to-day responsibility of running the empire. Old age too often frees people from monotonous tasks and the need to be “the boss.” Rather, a true ancient teacher can relish the freedom and the experience, understanding the power of just living the moment, rather than being locked into the ego’s need to rule.
Her detachment from desiring power allows her the objectivity to know and speak the truth. She is not afraid of punishment that results in loss of her rights. She knows she will lose more by keeping silent, than speaking up, when a voice of truth needs to be heard.
In the Myth of Jason and the Argonauts dating to the 3rd century, Jason works with Hekate’s priestess Medea, to sacrifice a ewe in her honor. Here Hekate is known as a master potion maker, who can teach this dangerous talent to mortals, but we also acknowledge that she needs a sacrifice.
In another Greek myth, Hekate teaches the witch Medea, to make an ointment, which if applied, will protect a man from “sword or fire and for that day to surpass himself in strength and daring.” Internet article, Hekate goddess of witchcraft.
Another Greek story connects her to midwifery. She is made impure from the blood of childbirth and thrown in the water to be cleansed. Walker, p. 378, says that this is an old myth “derived from patriarchal anxieties” about contact with childbearing women.
Psyche and Eros-
Psyche must prove her worth in order to marry Eros. Psyche is given four tasks by Aphrodite, that teach a woman about wisdom and discretion. Psyche’s fourth task was to procure beauty ointment for Aphrodite from Persephone. Persephone holds the key to the regeneration of beauty but is also involved in the deception.
Psyche – Creating A Strong Self
Painting: Cupid and Psyche- Bouguereau
Psyche met Eros, (Cupid)when he saved her life. She was left as a sacrifice to a monster. His mother Aphrodite had ordered her demise, as Psyche’s beauty was threatening to the goddess herself.
Eros was moved by Psyche’s beauty and risked his own life and mother’s disapproval by choosing to marry her, instead of allowing the carnage.
But he had a caveat. He did not let Psyche see him, or know his real identity, as he wanted to be loved for his inner beauty. But she became suspicious of this hiding and started to double guess his character. She tried to force a glimpse and caused a breach of trust, which caused him to leave.
In a desperate attempt to get her husband back, Psyche made a pact with her dreaded mother in-law, Aphrodite.
Aphrodite gave her 4 tasks that were extremely difficult. If she was able to pass these tests she would win Eros back. With great difficulty and perseverance Psyche completed the tasks that helped her grow up and become a woman of great power.
The four tasks were:
- Sorting a lot of seeds- sorting the wheat from the chaff in your life.
- Retrieving the Golden Fleece- Having great patience and knowing how and when to approach an adversary with power greater than your own.
- Filling a flask from the water that fills the River Styx, and- Gain perspective and see her own patterns.
- Returning from the Underworld with a box of the beauty ointment from Persephone. Seeing and saying no to your inner shadow qualities.
It is useful to do the Psyche chapter when you wish to develop new inner strength and skills. For those with substantial skills and experience, it allows an opportunity to polish and hone your inner tool kit.
Learning to accomplish these deeds in your own life, or brushing up on the skills that are a bit under developed or rusty in your repertoire, will help you become a woman of power.
By the way- Psyche was changed into a goddess after accomplishing these feats.
Painting- The Awakening of Psyche- Seignac
Psyche Questions:
- Have your suspicions or doubts ever been unfounded, or ever caused you to harm a relationship?
- Have you ever tried to do anything to get someone back?
- What were the circumstances?
- What happened?
- Have you ever developed new strength and muscle by performing difficult tasks?
We will now begin the Four Tasks of Psyche.
Step One- Sorting the Seeds
- Sorting the grain- Where in your life are you stuck?
If you look behind the stuckness can you see conflicting loyalties? A polarity where two parts of yourself are in conflict? Often one piece of the polarity is an older belief from the past and it conflicts with a newer belief in the present.
- Name some places in your life where these polarities are showing up.
- What values, beliefs or fears drive these polarities?
- What really is most important to you now, in the present?
- How can you finally resolve this polarity, make a stance, take action and move forward?
Outline the stance, action and movement.
Step Two- The Second Task
The Golden Fleece refers to finding and using our personal strengths, not competing on someone else’s terms. This involves, thinking, waiting and acting when appropriate.
- Is there any where in your life where acting impatiently or rashly has caused you harm?
- Has being patient ever had a pay-off?
- Is there a difference between being patient and having a plan and just giving up?
Painting by Waterhouse- Psyche Entering Cupid’s Garden.
- Is there an area of your life where you could implement this “patient with a plan” philosophy? How so?
- How can you increase your odds of doing well and building personal power by having a strategy?
- Do you understand your strengths and weaknesses?
- Tell us about some of them.
- How can you magnify those strengths and work with your weaknesses to accomplish what is really important to you?
Step Three- The Third Task
Step Three involves obtaining water from the River Styx. It is about gaining perspective and seeing our own patterns. We learn that we create the results in our lives through our beliefs and behaviors. When we see our patterns we become empowered to make choices and decisions that will benefit us.
- What do you not like in your life?
- Do you see that you may have created some of this, (within reason)? Do not start blaming self or punishing self, but glimpsing the true power you have as a creator.
- Is there something different you would like to create that suits you better now?
- How might you do this?
- Using your sense of discretion, patience, understanding of your personal power and ability to see your patterns, create a plan or vision.
Step Four- The Fourth Task
The fourth task is about traveling to the underworld to retrieve Persephone’s beauty cream. This is about understanding our shadow and not getting derailed by temptations, doubt or procrastination.
- Have you ever got really close to having what you really want only to have it snatched away? Tell us about that.
- Did you fall victim to inner or outer shadow pieces? What were they? How did they derail you?
- How could you see this inner “Hades” (god of the underworld) piece more clearly?
- How can you resist the temptation of being derailed by shadow?
- If you do fall asleep again, which we all do, how can you awaken yourself?
- How can you get back on track?
- What do you need to know, see and do right now to get onto the track you most want?
- How will you know when you are there?
- How will you find happiness with this?
- Attune to Psyche- Breathe slowly and deeply. Get into a meditative state. Picture Psyche in your mind. What is it she would like to tell you about inner strength and developing your skills?
- What is her message to you? (Take your time to listen and understand. Write down the message while it is still clear in your memory. Thank her for her gifts.)